As a rule, I don’t cuddle.
Call it a problem with intimacy, or a fear of commitment. Call it a lie, call it nonsense. Humans need contact; cuddles follow. But I just don’t enjoy it with my sexual partners.
Now, that’s not to say I haven’t cuddled or will never again cuddle. Really, I just don’t like to do it. This may upset some of you dear readers, but my perspective on cuddling is similar to my perspective on anal sex: I’ll do it, but it’s not pleasurable.
As an adult, I make compromises. Sometimes, cuddling (and, yes, anal sex) is a compromise. If it satisfies my partner, why shouldn’t I give that pleasure? And in turn, I receive pleasure in ways my partner may not himself enjoy because it’s a give-and-take system. You scratch mine if I scratch yours. Or, in the words of my favorite pixie indie rock vixen Jenny Lewis, “You gotta give a little love to get a little love“.
1. Sleep: how can I get any with you wrapped around me? I can feel the rise of your chest, air from your mouth or nose steadily lapping my shoulder or neck, and twitches and tics from your dreams throughout the course of the night. If you are a light sleeper, you know these to be true barriers.
2. Heat: I radiate it, you trap it, and then it’s all sweat and sex-stank from there on out. Open windows don’t help. I tend to burrow away from the cold, further into the nearest warm body, and then the heat trap returns. It’s a vicious cycle.
3. Discomfort: I have trouble getting to sleep with my body contorted in such a way, particularly as I tend to toss and turn frequently before falling into slumber. While this issue is probably a learning curve, I don’t care to experience many sleepless nights getting to the stage where a dead limb feels comfortable. Plus, I am concerned that my every move disturbs your sleep–because it sure as hell disturbs mine.
In short, I need SPACE when I sleep. Sleeping parallel is preferred, and a hand here or there quite welcome. But don’t you dare wrap your arms or body around mine. It’s-just-too-close, ya dig?
I admit that platonic cuddling with close friends (male or female) can be and usually is quite lovely. I think the presence of clothes helps, tbh. In the presence of partners and other conquests, clothes just come off and there’s not putting them back on. What kind of fun would that be?!
So, all that’s left to say is this: when I do cuddle, I am a Big Spoon Personality. No shocker there, I assure you. As an Amazon-boned woman, it’s hard to not dominate the bed…
Until we meet again,
The Blushing Lush